Kind of Dry Janners

Well, here we are the last day of January already.  I had planned to do Dry January, honestly I really had, start the year off with a bit of a de-tox and all that.  Then life got in the way so it’s ended up being ‘Kind of’ Dry Janners.  I think 2 weeks abstaining from Sauvignon Blanc was a good start to the year, no?

At the end of last year I read a gazillion articles (OK maybe a handful) about the benefits of not drinking for a month.  Literally everywhere I looked the world was telling me to go dry for 31 days, it would be a game changer, life would never be the same again, if you’re not doing Veganuary (sorry nope, Braai Boy would divorce me) then you must stop drinking alcohol.  Basically I was being told that January had to be the most un-fun month ever.  I should have stood firm after all January is miserable enough, but in a moment of weakness I announced to Braai Boy ‘I’m doing Dry January’ to which he replied ‘treat yourself I’m not!’.

You would think I would be slightly annoyed that my darling (long suffering?) husband refused to join me on my latest ‘health kick’  but I wasn’t.  You see Braai Boy has spent the best part of the last 2 years dry, as dry as dry can be.  Everytime he was deployed I would tell him that I would not drink alcohol for the duration of his deployment.  You know get some ‘good wife’ tokens, by showing him a bit of solidarity, if he can do it I can do it and all that.  Ahem, well, let’s just say, I did not spend the best part of the last 2 years dry instead I supported him in spirit (for that read gin).  But hang on, don’t think he is hard done by and I am not supportive, I would like to point out that he did not stop drinking alcohol whilst I was preganant.  To be fair he probably needed the odd drink, I was not a very good pregnant and probably nearly broke him, especially as I went off meat!

Anyway, back to Kind of Dry Janners.  As I sat sipping my wine post Christmas I read all about the benefits which should kick in after a mere 7 days booze free.  Having lasted 14 days I have to report as follows:

Sleeping:  apparently giving up booze should mean that your sleeping pattern is improved and you wake well rested.  Erm, nope, uninterrupted sleep?  What is that?  I can’t remember the last time I slept through the night.  One word people – Children.  For my kids shouting Mama Mama Mama between 0100 and 0300 is a perfectly normal thing to do.  Every.  Single.  Night.  I can safely say that my sleep did not improve and I definintely did not jump out of bed every morning burst into song and start my day full of beans.  The only beans that I had were of the coffee variety!

Better decision making:  perhaps it was my bad decision making that led me to attempting Dry January.  I can tell you one things for sure, those 2 dry weeks did make me see some sense and I’ve decided that I will not do Dry January again.  Maybe a week here and there, but not a month, life’s too short and my kids are too testing.

Better physical performance: that’s ridiculous, in 2 weeks I will not go from an overtired wine glugging mama to an elite althete. Nope, next…

Weight loss well that’s a really good reason to ditch the booze, BUT I substituted chocolate for wine, need I say more?

Less sugar cravings: see above.

Improved vision:  I still wear glasses.

Premature aging of skin prevented:  too late I’m afraid.  Kids, sunbathing, laughter, stress and Braai Boys many absences have already got the better of my skin.  No potions or lotions or booze free months are going to sort this face out.  

Hormone Balance maintained:  not sure on this one to be honest, you would have to ask Braai Boy about that, I think I am perfectly well balanced all the time, he may disagree!

So, there you have it.  I’m not sure who researches or writes these articles but they clearly have not been a parent (or they are one of those smug parents that have kids that sleep through, eat all their vegetables and don’t answer back – yeah we all know one of those parents don’t we?) and they have definitely never ever had PMT.

Braai Boy is more than happy that I’m back on the vino, the bank balance less so.  Do it, don’t do it, do what makes you happy.  We’re nearly through the longest month of the year and that’s a cause for celebration isn’t it?

Cheers lovely people.

Silly Season Done!

Happy Happy New Year! Well?  Did you all make it through the last few weeks?  I really hope so.  I know that Christmas and New Year are not for everyone so I hope that whatever you did and whoever you were with that you were OK.  You will be pleased to hear that we survived the visitors, the visiting and the sugar.  The decorations are down, boxed up and squeezed into the garage alongside all Braai Boys kit.  Now the countdown is on to Christmas 2020!

As I said, we survived.  Of course, there were the usual disagreements.  Miss Sassy and Wee Man argued over everything, ‘he’s kicking me’, ‘she’s got my spiderman’, ‘he’s standing in front of the TV’, ‘she pushed me off the sofa’, ‘I want to be the fire ninja, no I want to be the fire ninja’ and so on.  The girl cousins argued over the purple plate at dinner, they argued over who had what My Little Pony, meanwhile Wee Man went around Hulk smashing everything and everyone.  Braai Boy and I ‘heatedly discussed’ road directions, food requirements and who left what where and when.  Thankfully he filled the wine rack with Sauvignon Blanc and got me Lindor balls both of which saved my sanity.  To be honest, people wise it was a fairly quiet Christmas we had constant visitors and we visited people but there were no crazy Clan gatherings or huge parties. 

That said I cannot eat another party snack, I cannot look at another Panettone (my Bro brought us the biggest one back from Naples, I kid you not it was the size of a baby and we are still eating it) and I do not want to hear Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer or Jingle Bells sung by any small people in the close confinements of a car for a while.  Don’t get me wrong I absolutely love Christmas just give me a few weeks to get back in to the Christmas spirit.

New Year was great fun, gone are the days of working in a bar getting paid to party or standing on Waterloo Bridge watching the fireworks (or not), these days its dinner at home with friends.  This year we went to Titch and the Silver Foxes (aka The Boys) for New Year. 

Now, since our last visit The Boys have done up their kitchen, well what can I say this military housed mama was very very envious of their non-magnolia gorgeously equipped kitchen, for a start it had a wine fridge…….and before you or Braai Boy ask a wine fridge is a need not a want, ok?  So, let’s talk appliances, we have a kettle, they have a fully integrated coffee machine that is linked to their phones, they can do analytics on a bloody coffee machine!  We have a battered dishwasher stabilised by bits of cardboard on our wonky floor, they have a dishwasher that projects how long it is until the wash is finished onto their gorgeous tiled floor.  Don’t even get me started on the oven, it has a warming drawer, yes people they have a warming drawer, we have a top oven that runs to its own temperature regardless of what temperature you put it on (last week it took nearly 2hours to bake a cake that should have baked in 1!).  We have a very unattractive oblong ceiling strip light which buzzes and is very annoying, they have under cupboard and counter light strips.  When we arrived, the lights were lime green, I flippantly asked if they could change colour or flash, yeah I know given the rest of the kitchen I should have kept my mouth shut.  Titch picked up his phone, rude I thought as I was speaking to him, only for him to change the colour and sequencing of the lights.  Stupid me, of course the lights are controlled from the phone, THE PHONE people, who knew? Not going to lie that pretty much blew my mind.

Maybe next time I’m asked to complete a Military Housing Survey in the additional comments section, instead of the usual, can we have plain curtains or can the lino not look like dirty sand or please stop putting 2 ceiling lights in rooms I will simply ask for kitchen lighting that can be controlled by my phone.  Life goals and all that!

So, here we are, a whole new lovely year, who knows what 2020 holds.  Perhaps we will move, perhaps we won’t.  Maybe we will buy our own house and I can pimp up my kitchen like The Boys, then again maybe we won’t.  Will my faithful old car last until the end of the year, who knows?  Will Braai Boy be deployed?  No idea.  Will the kids learn the joys of a lie in? Doubt it. Will I start to enjoy running again, let’s wait and see if Couch to 5k can work its magic.  Will I complete Dry January?  Hopefully.  Will I do Veganuary?  Not a chance – I live with the biggest meat eater I know.

What I do know is this.  It’s only 350 days until Christmas and 2 days until Winter Love Island starts. 

Happy New Year lovelies!

PS –  Mum, before you ask no I’m not pregnant, I will be back on the vino in February.