En Vacances

We got back from holiday last week and as with all holidays it feels like forever ago.  Now, I don’t know about you, but when I try to speak a different language I take on some weird accent.  When I try and speak French my accent has a cockney twang.  Basically I speak Del Boy French, mange tout mange tout, bonnet da douche and so on.  You know what though?  At least I try, it doesn’t matter if I am not understood I have given it a good shot and as I tell the kids all you can do is try your best.  Two days into the holiday and I got an eye infection argh, no contact lenses therefore no shades therefore lots of wrinkle inducing squinting humph!  Armed with some French medical phrases looked up on t’internet off I went to the Pharmacy.  I needn’t have bothered, the pharmacist thought I was talking English and we ended up doing very many hand gestures before she produced some eye drops.  Well, they were either eye, nose or ear drops, not entirely sure which.  Either way they worked.

We spent time on the beach, in the pool, on the water slides and in the soft play.  Yes, that’s right in the softplay.  Those of you who know me know I am not a fan of soft play I would rather stick pins in my eyes whilst watching Mr Tumble.  This soft play was different, the French know how to do a soft play, there was a bar.  There was a bar that sold ice cold beer in fancy pants glasses.  The weather wasn’t amazing but we are British so we are used to the rain, I kept telling the kids their skin was waterproof and a little rain never hurt anyone, apart from when I nearly went arse over tit outside the shop on the wet tiled floor.

The one thing that really tickled me this holiday was one British family.  The Dad was one of those that took photos upon photos and with every photo he shouted at his kids ‘Say FROMAGE!’.  Right, I get being in a different country and using the language, in my case badly, but to take a photo you want people to smile.  So just try this whilst you read, say cheese………….your mouth is forced into a plastic fake smile (think Wallace and Gromit) but at least it is close to a smile.  Now say Fromage……….you end up looking like you are catching flies, mouth wide open and several double chins.  Their holiday pics are going to be hilarious.

Our journey back from holiday was looooooooong. In short we were up at 0430hrs and got home at 2030hrs.  Before we had even left the campsite I had set off the fire alarm after having a shower with water that was near boiling.  The kids were out of bed like a bullet and it probably woke our neighbours up, I didn’t really care about the neighbours given Mrs Shouty next door had no volume control, right back at ya Mrs!  The first few hours of the journey were done in darkness, sadly not silence.  As Miss Sassy was educating Wee Man about the dark or as she charmingly called it the Chasm of Death!  According to Miss Sassy in the dark everything looks bigger, everything looks enormous, almost giant like, right, that’s it, with my thighs it’s sex with the lights on from now on!

There’s that saying isn’t there, if Carlsberg did, well if Carlsberg did ferries they would have done the Brittany ferry we travelled home on.  There was soft play, a pantomime, a colouring competition, circus skills, dance offs, games and a cinema.  It was 8 hours of pure joy for the kids.  The ferry was full of parents of young children looking like they needed a bucket of coffee, a sh*t load of patience and another holiday.  The entertainment team did their job well, winding the kids up to near bursting then leaving the parents to get their over tired, over excited lovelies back into the car for the onward journey.  Wee Man was asleep before we hit the M27, and as for Miss Sassy, she was awake, in fact she didn’t give up and sleep until we were home and unpacked, she’s a stubborn one. So that’s our holiday for this year, now to get back to normal, whatever that is?  Back to my lists.  I have a list of house stuff to sort which is my priority, followed by a back to school list and then there’s the garden jobs list.  But my first job today is to replace the light bulbs throughout the house, the brighter the better, no big, enormous, giant anything here.

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